Simultaneous Exhibition
by tattedmariposa
Summary: Soren attempts to teach Ike to play chess.  Ike insists on "making things interesting."  Strip chess - yes, you read that right - ensues.  FE9/10, Ike/Soren.


This is semi-crack. I know the premise is silly, but it was kind of intended to be in the first place, so please keep that in mind. :-P

I don't own Fire Emblem.

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Simultaneous Exhibition, or Why No One Ever Plays Strip Chess

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Soren was clearly annoyed. "Ike," he said, aggravation dripping from his tone, "Playing a game is pointless if you don't _play_ it. Choose a move already."

Blue eyes glanced at him briefly from across the table before returning to the board. "I'm deciding which one is best."

If Ike wasn't focused on the pieces before him, he might have been a little concerned about the way Soren's fingers were so tightly wound amongst his hair. "You've been 'deciding' for five minutes now."

"I know," he said, halfway picking up a bishop, but almost immediately placing it back on the board, much to Soren's dismay. "Ah, this is tough..."

"I thought you would have become accustomed to making difficult decisions by now," Soren replied dryly.

"I'm used to having you to help me." He looked at Soren hopefully. "Asking you for help now isn't going to get me very far, right?"

"I would never advise you to ask an enemy for advice, Ike." In spite of his exasperation, Soren's mouth quirked a bit at the corners.

"There's nothing I can do to... convince you otherwise?" Under the table, a bare foot slowly traced upwards on the inside of Soren's leg.

"The fact that you've resorted to dirty tricks this early on is not a good sign." Soren was still, making every effort he could not to flinch. "I'm afraid I'll have to pass. I have a reputation to uphold."

Ike was not so easily dissuaded. "Nothing at all?" His foot was almost resting on the chair now, slowly stroking Soren's inner thigh.

Ruthless as ever when it came to tactics of any variety, Soren reached down and lightly pushed him away. "There will be plenty of time for that later, if you ever make a move."

"Fine, fine." Ike considered the position of his pieces for a few more seconds before moving one of his knights. "There. Happy now?"

"Yes, I am." Soren took his turn without hesitation, both capturing a pawn and leaving his black queen perilously close to the white king. "Checkmate."

Ike looked completely confused. "...Wait, what?"

"You lost."

"But... how?"

"Because you cannot move your king without leaving him in danger of being captured. Therefore, the game is over and I win." Soren calmly began to replace the handful of pieces that had been taken out of position.

"But that was so short."

"It _should_ have been short, but we've actually been playing for nearly twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes isn't that long."

"It is for a game that was won in five moves. You dragged things out considerably."

"It was my first game, and it was hard," Ike said defensively. "You're the one who told me chess was simple."

"I believe I said chess was _deceptively_ simple." Soren watched him, seemingly waiting for something. "And what about the other part of the deal?" he prompted.

"Oh, that..." Ike grumbled. He should have known better than to hope that Soren had conveniently forgotten. "Do I have to?"

"Yes. You're the one who insisted on 'making things interesting', as you put it."

"Yeah, but that was before I realized how bad I am at this."

"What did you expect? As you said, it is your first game." He stared Ike down mercilessly. "Shirt off. Now."

Ike started complying, but continued to protest. "We should just forget about it. At this rate it'll be morning by the time one of us-"

"Most likely you, if the first game was any indication," Soren interjected.

Ike scowled back as his shirt slid off of his shoulders. "As I was saying, it'll be morning before one of us is undressed. And that's no fun." He crossed his arms. "It's cold in here too."

"Which is precisely why I first said it was a terrible idea, as well as why I encouraged you to play quickly."

"Okay Soren, you were right. Can I put my shirt back on now?"

"No, I believe I was mistaken. It's a good idea because it'll give you incentive to not spend ten minutes on a single turn."

Soren's roaming eyes did not go unnoticed. Ike smiled and leaned forward. "Oh, is that all?" he inquired sarcastically.

"That is the primary reason, yes, but there are... other benefits."

"Isn't it unfair if you're distracted?"

"If you prefer, we can consider it leveling the playing field. You need all the help you can get."

Ike ignored the mild insult. "Leveling the playing field would be you taking off your shirt too."

"I think that may be to my advantage rather than yours, but if you insist..." Soren started to remove his shirt as well, slowly, very much aware that he was being watched. After he laid it neatly to the side they stared at each other in tense silence for some time. "I believe it's your move, Ike."

"I have a better idea." Ike didn't even bother to look down at the chess board.

"I'm listening."

Ike leaned across the table, bracing himself with one hand on the table's edge and the other cupping Soren's face. They kissed, and this time Soren didn't bother trying to hold back.

Pleased with Soren's reaction, Ike broke their kiss and leaned over a little further to speak in his ear. "You were right – strip chess was a bad idea. I think we should forget about the chess part and focus on the stripping."

Soren smiled. "I think that's the best idea you've had all night." They were kissing again so quickly that he didn't have time to think about how ridiculous it was to be laying both underneath someone and on top of a chess board at the same time. The pieces scattered haphazardly around them and fell onto the floor with each sudden jerk of the table.

Ike managed to raise his head away from Soren's neck just long enough to say, "I hope this isn't how it ended that time you tried to teach Mist to play chess."

Soren hit Ike lightly on the back of the head. "Shut up and undress me already."


End file.
